a mental transsexual?
Mercedez is a huge woman with broad shoulders and huge breasts. Her hair is fire red and her teeth have something of those prehistoric tigers. Her finger- and toenails are lacquered dark red and there seems to be some brilliant substance in the nail polish that makes the red even darker and more intensive. If I would be a naturalist and encounter her on the hunting ground I would be alarmed by such a dangerous appearance. I wonder if she is aware of the psychology of colors or if she unconsciously dresses in black only. Black makes other people automatically back off, and induces an air of separation. Her hands are big, bigger than mine, I reckon, her feet as well, probably not my size though. Although her height is only 1m70 she appears really impressive because of all the above listed characteristics and her powerful, self confident behavior.
We all scan each other permanently but in such a class one is allowed to go beyond the surface of a brief conversation and I have to confirm Henry Miller’s statement, that the true mystery lies in the visible. We judge by the visible in an eye’s wink, but only when you talk to a person longer one can make sense of his or her preliminary and unconscious judgment. One shall be never so naïve though to judge only by the invisible inner values. Mercedez, for instance, had something attractive for me, her self confidence and feminine-dominant appearance, but equally I could sense a distant masculinity that was not what I could appreciate in a woman, neither in a man, actually. But her statement after the morning centering exercise already left an impression of a cold woman that lives alone and only loves her cat, unable to connect to those of her kind. “I am perfectly fine; I had this morning already one hour of crawling (her cat).”
Anyway, Mercedez sat down next to the host in her self confident way, her legs spread, crossed knees, and started to portray her problem. The siblings, Mercedez and Gustav, have a corrupted relationship since at least five years. It turns out that their relationship has already been corrupted since his conception. Gustav is born too early and jealousy entered into both their hearts; the second born was jealous, because he did not receive the attention he needed, the first born, because her place was taken too early by her brother. They always had quarrels, what seemed to the client normal for siblings, but jealousy always accompanied them. As grown ups they both work as communication trainers and earn more than enough, but it seems to the client that they envy each other for other things than money.
Gustav is married to his wife Liliane. Their two children, both around ten years now, are cherished by Mercedez, she loves them, she repeats. Her objective for the projection would be to have a “laid-back relationship with her brother”, but already some minutes later the client drops that she actually doesn’t want an easygoing relationship with her brother because of him, but because his children are very important to her. Not only I am, but everybody in the room, is bewildered at this sentence. We are even more puzzled by another declaration which went somehow like “I only like Liliane, when she is pregnant”. Mercedez replies to the irritated question of the host, why she would feel like that for her brother’s wife that “only in the state of pregnancy Liliane would weigh close her weight.” Mercedez emphasizes that Liliane plays no important role in the whole story; indeed, she is convinced that we would not need her in a projection. The host insists in a friendly way and asks Mercedez for permission to place Liliane, her brother’s wife, probably not in the beginning but later.
Further narration reveals that Mercedez and Gustav were born into a family in an Alpine village. The father, who she calls daddy and her mother, who she addresses with the first name, Irene, as well as Gustav, his wife Liliane and their children still live there; only Mercedez has moved away. The sibling’s relationship was tense throughout the last years, five years ago there was a 48 hour éclat, probably during a family reunion that left the two of them completely torn apart. Mercedez would try to get in touch again, but her brother wouldn’t even call her for Christmas or her birthday. The contact to her nice and nephew is only possible if she visits her parents and asks her mother to invite her grandchildren at the same time, probably without knowledge of their parents. All in all, Mercedez does not know what to do and believes that the reason for this separation has to be something deeper than the éclat five years ago.
The host suggests the following characters:
I still remember when I first came to the class and everybody had to introduce himself and Mercedez pronounced her name according to the apostrophe with a rising emphasize on the last syllable. “With an apostrophe?”, I asked her, clearly listening to a Spanish pronunciation. She replied with a rather proud air, “Yes, and with a z in the end!” We should after the projection and during its analysis with the host learn that the change of a name can influence a projection deeply and that it is possible that the host has to change the name of the focus during a projection to be able to reveal a change of identity.
We all scan each other permanently but in such a class one is allowed to go beyond the surface of a brief conversation and I have to confirm Henry Miller’s statement, that the true mystery lies in the visible. We judge by the visible in an eye’s wink, but only when you talk to a person longer one can make sense of his or her preliminary and unconscious judgment. One shall be never so naïve though to judge only by the invisible inner values. Mercedez, for instance, had something attractive for me, her self confidence and feminine-dominant appearance, but equally I could sense a distant masculinity that was not what I could appreciate in a woman, neither in a man, actually. But her statement after the morning centering exercise already left an impression of a cold woman that lives alone and only loves her cat, unable to connect to those of her kind. “I am perfectly fine; I had this morning already one hour of crawling (her cat).”
Anyway, Mercedez sat down next to the host in her self confident way, her legs spread, crossed knees, and started to portray her problem. The siblings, Mercedez and Gustav, have a corrupted relationship since at least five years. It turns out that their relationship has already been corrupted since his conception. Gustav is born too early and jealousy entered into both their hearts; the second born was jealous, because he did not receive the attention he needed, the first born, because her place was taken too early by her brother. They always had quarrels, what seemed to the client normal for siblings, but jealousy always accompanied them. As grown ups they both work as communication trainers and earn more than enough, but it seems to the client that they envy each other for other things than money.
Gustav is married to his wife Liliane. Their two children, both around ten years now, are cherished by Mercedez, she loves them, she repeats. Her objective for the projection would be to have a “laid-back relationship with her brother”, but already some minutes later the client drops that she actually doesn’t want an easygoing relationship with her brother because of him, but because his children are very important to her. Not only I am, but everybody in the room, is bewildered at this sentence. We are even more puzzled by another declaration which went somehow like “I only like Liliane, when she is pregnant”. Mercedez replies to the irritated question of the host, why she would feel like that for her brother’s wife that “only in the state of pregnancy Liliane would weigh close her weight.” Mercedez emphasizes that Liliane plays no important role in the whole story; indeed, she is convinced that we would not need her in a projection. The host insists in a friendly way and asks Mercedez for permission to place Liliane, her brother’s wife, probably not in the beginning but later.
Further narration reveals that Mercedez and Gustav were born into a family in an Alpine village. The father, who she calls daddy and her mother, who she addresses with the first name, Irene, as well as Gustav, his wife Liliane and their children still live there; only Mercedez has moved away. The sibling’s relationship was tense throughout the last years, five years ago there was a 48 hour éclat, probably during a family reunion that left the two of them completely torn apart. Mercedez would try to get in touch again, but her brother wouldn’t even call her for Christmas or her birthday. The contact to her nice and nephew is only possible if she visits her parents and asks her mother to invite her grandchildren at the same time, probably without knowledge of their parents. All in all, Mercedez does not know what to do and believes that the reason for this separation has to be something deeper than the éclat five years ago.
The host suggests the following characters:
- Mercedez F (focus)
- Gustav G (brother)
- Liliane L (sister in law)
- children NN (nice and nephew)
- Daddy D (father)
- Irene I (mother)
- Relaxed, laid-back relationship with Gustav (goal) G
- Éclat E (the last two representatives function increasingly as a barometer of conflict inclination as the projection proceeds)
- Jealousy J (first introduced as a tool from problem projection (PP); the host declares that the element was introduced on the clients explicit with; the host comments that she intends to convert the negative problem into a resource)
- Female principle FP
- Male principle MP
I still remember when I first came to the class and everybody had to introduce himself and Mercedez pronounced her name according to the apostrophe with a rising emphasize on the last syllable. “With an apostrophe?”, I asked her, clearly listening to a Spanish pronunciation. She replied with a rather proud air, “Yes, and with a z in the end!” We should after the projection and during its analysis with the host learn that the change of a name can influence a projection deeply and that it is possible that the host has to change the name of the focus during a projection to be able to reveal a change of identity.
Mercedez chooses a man for her projection (1), Thomas, the surely manliest looking male amongst the participants of the class with a protruding chin, jaw and cheekbones alike, big blue eyes and a muscular six foot body. The host asks why she would do this, and Mercedez says that he would be the person she feels drawn to. Thomas accepts the role, and I witness the first time a gender reversed projection that immediately feels natural. Mercedez behaves like a man, and until then I have heard very male statements and have seen a very male behavior. Mercedez is placed first, then Daddy, followed by her mother Irene, who she strangely doesn’t call mummy, but Irene, and last placed is her younger brother Gustav. All the representatives, but Mercedez, feel awkward in their position.
Daddy can’t face Mercedez, he has to stare down to the floor and he is estranged by what he sees. A man that should be a woman; he concentrates on the soul and on the heart of his daughter, because it is not important what he sees, but what he feels, but the confusion gets worse. He thinks, “That’s not my daughter outside, but inside it is her, but actually I would have liked it exactly the other way round: outside a male and inside a woman. Or something like this.” He is utterly confused. His gaze returns to the floor, where it remains fixed. Only the projection of his wife, Irene, evokes good feelings, but she is placed on his left side, what irritates him, too. He would like to have her on his right. His son Gustav is almost invisible, although he faces him directly like Mercedez in a distance of approx. two meters.
Daddy can’t face Mercedez, he has to stare down to the floor and he is estranged by what he sees. A man that should be a woman; he concentrates on the soul and on the heart of his daughter, because it is not important what he sees, but what he feels, but the confusion gets worse. He thinks, “That’s not my daughter outside, but inside it is her, but actually I would have liked it exactly the other way round: outside a male and inside a woman. Or something like this.” He is utterly confused. His gaze returns to the floor, where it remains fixed. Only the projection of his wife, Irene, evokes good feelings, but she is placed on his left side, what irritates him, too. He would like to have her on his right. His son Gustav is almost invisible, although he faces him directly like Mercedez in a distance of approx. two meters.
The host notices the irritation and uneasiness of all representatives but Mercedez and asks them to change their position to where they feel better. On her command “Now!” the entire picture changes, apart from the focus, Mercedez. Daddy D looks to the right, Gustav G shows his back to Mercedez F and Irene I moves from the far left to the close right of Daddy. Daddy is relieved to see his wife. Gustav is still not paid attention to, but the host indicates that he feels very weak, his knees are bent, shoulders and head hang in a depressive attitude. Daddy avoids seeing the miserable state of his son, as well as the powerful appearance of his she-he-daughter.
It is interesting that daddy D perceives this part of the projection as a fast motion of Mercedez’ family history, as if four decades happen in one hour representation; the beginning seems to be time distorted because only the focus seems to be in the present, self confident as a lion amongst sheeps, whereas the other representatives are in the past and live through the early years of the family, when the children were just born. Daddy doesn’t recognize Mercedez at first and only turns his eyes to her, when the client remarks: “In case it is important for the projection: In this constellation nobody knows me as Mercedez. With my family I am Uschi or Ursula.” The name Uschi breaks the ice in Daddy All of a sudden a heartfelt connection is established to the male representative of Mercedez. Daddy turns back and faces his daughter, still not really taking notice of his son, Gustav. Irene comments that she feels very comfortable at Daddy’s side, but doesn’t understand the misery of her son. Gustav turns back to Mercedez on the host’s invitation. Mercedez asks him why he is so miserable. She does not understand. She grows in her position and becomes stronger and stronger. Gustav only says one word: Traitor! But does not follow Mercedez’ urges to explain his accusation. He turns his back again to his sister. She seems not to care anymore, and asks what she has to do with all this. It’s not her fault that her brother feels miserable.
Daddy perceives the accusation of treason justified, but does not understand why. He then thinks that he is hurt and feels treason, because his daughter has changed her name, as if she would clearly like to show that she is not one of them, one of his own kind. He is hurt by his daughter’s behavior the more years pass. He and Irene slowly retreat from the scene and eventually sit down on chairs in the south of the room, where they have their children in sight, but are not anymore directly involved in the conflict. The distance reflects that the parents have ceased to be directly responsible for what happens to their children. They have grown up and they themselves have grown old.
It turns out in the analysis that against all assertions Mercedez’ father was not glad about having a girl as a first born, but would have liked very much a son. He thus continued to live his expectations even when the girl was born. He gave her a lot of time and attention and conditioned her unconsciously as a boy. A process that the host calls codifying, and that is by children as well as by nacituri emotionally-energetically perceived. Gustav on the opposite was born too early, and the family never made a secret about this fact. The parents would have liked to wait for one or two years more, but he came when he came and had to suffer as a consequence the love of the second, unexpected child. Moreover he suffered from a lack of attention. Daddy was still in his program to raise his first born daughter as a son and paid no attention to his second born son, who therefore tried to find comfort with his mother. Mercedez characterized her brother as sniveler and crybaby, what hit the core of his conditioning. He never received a male fostering from his father and therefore never grew the male part in his identity as it would have been important for him. Mercedez quite on the opposite grows into a strong, almost too strong female with a strong masculine touch.
Jealousy J is introduced and placed by the client next to Gustav. He does not want to feel any relationship to Jealousy, and the host moves the representative close to Mercedez. There it feels better, but soon it returns to Gustav and confirms that it now belongs to him. Mercedez thus grows even more convinced of her position. “What do I have to do with all this? I am not guilty of raising children in the wrong way! I have nothing to do with all this. You guys clear this mess yourselves. I can be as well alone!” she yells.
As the fast motion continues the parents are sitting on the southern end of the room and their backs begin to hurt like those of very old people. As the representative of the éclat E five years ago appears, a dark cloud of pain enters from the left and Daddy only thinks, “Why do you children behave like this and cause such pain to your old parents?” The éclat though feels a strong connection with Daddy. He too, the longer he sits at the back of the room staring at his son, feels guilt and remorse for not having given his son the proper load of attention and masculinity. But what can he do about this now? He has grown into an old man and his son is an adult.
The host allows Gustav to try to compensate some of his lack of attention and love by going over to his mother, where he kneels down next to her like a small child, although the fast motion has already taken us at least to five or four years from now. He does not follow Daddy’s invitation to kneel between the two of them, but stays with his mother. Irene is irritated; she perceives the behavior of her son as not appropriate and pities him. She even asks him to leave, because she can’t stand the fully grown sniveler anymore.
Daddy’s guilt grows and his connection with the éclat E as well. The host leads Gustav back to his place and offers him to return his load of pain and suffering to his father. He is allowed to take some pillows which represent the loads that are to be returned. Mercedez watching the whole act in the back fervently picks up two pillows and hands them over to Gustav; so eventually Gustav wants to return four loads of pain to his father. The host at first hand attributes the pain-loads to a lack of masculinity in the male ascendancy, because as she explains later, only weak males stand in the left position. Generally speaking the male partner always has the right position, which reflects the external representation of a couple. This might change if as we say, the woman indeed wears the pants, or it is her who has a very strong economical position, or of course in matriarchic social systems.
It turns out though that the load has not found the correct recipient. Daddy accepts it, because he wants to help his son and free himself from his guilt, but he feels that such a load is not justified. Moreover he protests against the host’s interpretation and expresses that he never felt as a weak man, on the contrary, he felt that his masculinity was always in the right place; and there would be no need to return such a deficiency to his male ancestors. The representatives for the éclat E and jealousy J both agree that the load has not found its correct recipient.
Daddy’s perception that a part of this pain is Mercedez’ does not find her approval. She seems to enjoy the situation, that all guilt is with Daddy and she has nothing to do with the whole mess. Daddy interprets Mercedez action and involvement as a kind of catalyst or turbo boost to the problem with Gustav and he again describes her behavior as tasteless and not constructive, but on the contrary aggravating the seriousness of the problem with Gustav. The host removes the pain loads from Daddy and puts them down on the floor. The two parents sit in distance to their child, Gustav. Mercedez is taken out of the picture, after the host explains to her that she is not responsible for this conflict and does not need to get involved. She helps more if she leaves the dealings to Gustav and his parents.
At this point it is remarkable that the focus of the projection is removed from the picture, and a new focus is temporarily introduced: Gustav. Gustav collects the loads of pain. He hands two over to his mother. Daddy feels that the second is for him and should not be handed back to his wife. He feels incredible guilt, but also powerlessness: He can’t help a fully grown adult anymore. When it is his turn, he is because of this powerlessness reluctant to take the burden that he has cast on his son, but eventually receives the two loads that are slightly bigger as his wife’s, because he wants to help his son. As Gustav wants to return the third pillow to his father there is again this feeling of inappropriateness in Daddy and the conflict barometers (éclat and jealousy) agree. “This one should be Mercedez’ for her constantly getting involved in a problem that can only be resolved between Gustav and his parents” he says. Mercedez, too, feels that that one pillow is for her and she gets up and takes position opposite of Gustav, who now stands right seen from the parents view.
Gustav now plays around with the pillow not really inclined to hand it over to Mercedez. The representative “relaxed relationship with Gustav” is placed between the two of them on the other side of the room, where the parents sit. They form a kind of triangle, and the “laid-back relationship with Gustav” says that she feels connected to both for the first time. Gustav seems to have opened up for a new start with his sister. “If you want your load, you have to come and get it!” he rhymes in a playful, still childish way. Daddy is relieved somehow but he also comments that in the load that Mercedez eventually is handed over as metaphorical method of reconciliation, something else is contained that was not yet talked about
The client is invited by the host to take over the position of Mercedez and feel the “laid back relationship with Gustav”. At this point the client argues again in a very self confident way, that she “knew it from the very beginning that Liliane won’t play a part in this analysis”, and she jokes, if she should be a smart ass now or after the projection is finished. Whether it was the client’s comment or the implication of the situation, the host places Liliane left to Gustav, left from Liliane the two children.
The fast motion now shows an almost present picture. There is a sensation that the children want her aunt Uschi, but not Mercedez, and there is an incredible ignorance revealed as the client Mercedez takes over the position of the representative for the first time. She only addresses the children, overlooks her brother, in the way that was already criticized during the interview. Both jealousy and éclat grow energetically and it is obvious that they have now taken over the function of a conflict or bad-vibe-barometer. Liliane is infuriated and Gustav wants to turn away from Mercedez, hugging his wife. The ignorance of the client also generates an outburst in Daddy who says, “That is the sort of treason that I have felt; she can’t pick out what she likes without accepting us all. There is more than jealousy between siblings in this load. There is also something about Gustav’s children in there!” Pointing out the straight line that connects the grandparents with their grandchildren, he continues “She is his wife. She is the link to those children who you love so much. If you don’t respect her, you can’t connect to them!”
The client is again replaced by the representative and it becomes obvious that the sibling’s change in position also indicates the beginning of a basically new projection. That explains the extraordinary length of more than two hours. Whereas the first act was actually a projection about the client’s desire to fix a broken relationship with her brother and therefore somehow at least partially changed the focus to Gustav, the second act was intrinsically about the client herself.
The male representative of Mercedez apologizes for the insensibility of the client and confirms with tears in his eyes that he would respect Liliane from now on. At this point it seems as if Gustav has grown up, although he weeps badly as he tells Mercedez that he needs his wife very much. “She is my life!” he sobs, and the host underlines this statement. It seems from the outside perspective that Gustav has found his strength in his relationship and only feels that his sister infests his newly found luck by ignoring his wife and tempting his children.
Interestingly, Mercedez has taken in the right position, that was the former, weak, position of her brother. Her brother now stands on the left flanked by his wife and his children. The position reflects what is about to happen. Mercedez continues to apologize and reassures the she will respect and accept Liliane. Gradually, it seems as if the strong and self confident Mercedez breaks down. The children ask again for their aunt Uschi. Daddy repeats that Mercedez does not fit into the family. And then it’s her who starts to weep, “I always had to be strong, I can’t show any weakness.” The masculine, self confident mask of Mercedez shatters into shards and the self declared “alpha animal” is disguised as a pitiful woman that tried to cover her own insecurity.
The host reintroduces two additional representatives, which she used earlier to balance gender deficits of the young Gustav and Mercedez. Then it turns out that Mercedez is strong, having both, a strong masculine principle and a strong feminine principle. “This is me!” Gustav on the contrary is in need of the support of his masculine principle, which he was not transferred sufficiently from his father.
Now, the host uses the gender principles to balance Mercedez’ lack of emotion and tries to foster her female side that was obviously never fully developed or at least suppressed by a strong masculine codifying. The female principle on the right expresses her sensation as having only a week connection to Mercedez. Mercedez herself feels warmth coming from the right, but cold from the left, where the male principle, which perceives a strong connection to the focus, is located. The host recommends to the client to let the female principle grow. The client takes again the position of the representative and is invited to sense the energy of the gender principles. The client feels uncomfortable with the female principle on her right and the male on the left, thereon the principles change their position. The client feels more accustomed to this constellation.
It is interesting that daddy D perceives this part of the projection as a fast motion of Mercedez’ family history, as if four decades happen in one hour representation; the beginning seems to be time distorted because only the focus seems to be in the present, self confident as a lion amongst sheeps, whereas the other representatives are in the past and live through the early years of the family, when the children were just born. Daddy doesn’t recognize Mercedez at first and only turns his eyes to her, when the client remarks: “In case it is important for the projection: In this constellation nobody knows me as Mercedez. With my family I am Uschi or Ursula.” The name Uschi breaks the ice in Daddy All of a sudden a heartfelt connection is established to the male representative of Mercedez. Daddy turns back and faces his daughter, still not really taking notice of his son, Gustav. Irene comments that she feels very comfortable at Daddy’s side, but doesn’t understand the misery of her son. Gustav turns back to Mercedez on the host’s invitation. Mercedez asks him why he is so miserable. She does not understand. She grows in her position and becomes stronger and stronger. Gustav only says one word: Traitor! But does not follow Mercedez’ urges to explain his accusation. He turns his back again to his sister. She seems not to care anymore, and asks what she has to do with all this. It’s not her fault that her brother feels miserable.
Daddy perceives the accusation of treason justified, but does not understand why. He then thinks that he is hurt and feels treason, because his daughter has changed her name, as if she would clearly like to show that she is not one of them, one of his own kind. He is hurt by his daughter’s behavior the more years pass. He and Irene slowly retreat from the scene and eventually sit down on chairs in the south of the room, where they have their children in sight, but are not anymore directly involved in the conflict. The distance reflects that the parents have ceased to be directly responsible for what happens to their children. They have grown up and they themselves have grown old.
It turns out in the analysis that against all assertions Mercedez’ father was not glad about having a girl as a first born, but would have liked very much a son. He thus continued to live his expectations even when the girl was born. He gave her a lot of time and attention and conditioned her unconsciously as a boy. A process that the host calls codifying, and that is by children as well as by nacituri emotionally-energetically perceived. Gustav on the opposite was born too early, and the family never made a secret about this fact. The parents would have liked to wait for one or two years more, but he came when he came and had to suffer as a consequence the love of the second, unexpected child. Moreover he suffered from a lack of attention. Daddy was still in his program to raise his first born daughter as a son and paid no attention to his second born son, who therefore tried to find comfort with his mother. Mercedez characterized her brother as sniveler and crybaby, what hit the core of his conditioning. He never received a male fostering from his father and therefore never grew the male part in his identity as it would have been important for him. Mercedez quite on the opposite grows into a strong, almost too strong female with a strong masculine touch.
Jealousy J is introduced and placed by the client next to Gustav. He does not want to feel any relationship to Jealousy, and the host moves the representative close to Mercedez. There it feels better, but soon it returns to Gustav and confirms that it now belongs to him. Mercedez thus grows even more convinced of her position. “What do I have to do with all this? I am not guilty of raising children in the wrong way! I have nothing to do with all this. You guys clear this mess yourselves. I can be as well alone!” she yells.
As the fast motion continues the parents are sitting on the southern end of the room and their backs begin to hurt like those of very old people. As the representative of the éclat E five years ago appears, a dark cloud of pain enters from the left and Daddy only thinks, “Why do you children behave like this and cause such pain to your old parents?” The éclat though feels a strong connection with Daddy. He too, the longer he sits at the back of the room staring at his son, feels guilt and remorse for not having given his son the proper load of attention and masculinity. But what can he do about this now? He has grown into an old man and his son is an adult.
The host allows Gustav to try to compensate some of his lack of attention and love by going over to his mother, where he kneels down next to her like a small child, although the fast motion has already taken us at least to five or four years from now. He does not follow Daddy’s invitation to kneel between the two of them, but stays with his mother. Irene is irritated; she perceives the behavior of her son as not appropriate and pities him. She even asks him to leave, because she can’t stand the fully grown sniveler anymore.
Daddy’s guilt grows and his connection with the éclat E as well. The host leads Gustav back to his place and offers him to return his load of pain and suffering to his father. He is allowed to take some pillows which represent the loads that are to be returned. Mercedez watching the whole act in the back fervently picks up two pillows and hands them over to Gustav; so eventually Gustav wants to return four loads of pain to his father. The host at first hand attributes the pain-loads to a lack of masculinity in the male ascendancy, because as she explains later, only weak males stand in the left position. Generally speaking the male partner always has the right position, which reflects the external representation of a couple. This might change if as we say, the woman indeed wears the pants, or it is her who has a very strong economical position, or of course in matriarchic social systems.
It turns out though that the load has not found the correct recipient. Daddy accepts it, because he wants to help his son and free himself from his guilt, but he feels that such a load is not justified. Moreover he protests against the host’s interpretation and expresses that he never felt as a weak man, on the contrary, he felt that his masculinity was always in the right place; and there would be no need to return such a deficiency to his male ancestors. The representatives for the éclat E and jealousy J both agree that the load has not found its correct recipient.
Daddy’s perception that a part of this pain is Mercedez’ does not find her approval. She seems to enjoy the situation, that all guilt is with Daddy and she has nothing to do with the whole mess. Daddy interprets Mercedez action and involvement as a kind of catalyst or turbo boost to the problem with Gustav and he again describes her behavior as tasteless and not constructive, but on the contrary aggravating the seriousness of the problem with Gustav. The host removes the pain loads from Daddy and puts them down on the floor. The two parents sit in distance to their child, Gustav. Mercedez is taken out of the picture, after the host explains to her that she is not responsible for this conflict and does not need to get involved. She helps more if she leaves the dealings to Gustav and his parents.
At this point it is remarkable that the focus of the projection is removed from the picture, and a new focus is temporarily introduced: Gustav. Gustav collects the loads of pain. He hands two over to his mother. Daddy feels that the second is for him and should not be handed back to his wife. He feels incredible guilt, but also powerlessness: He can’t help a fully grown adult anymore. When it is his turn, he is because of this powerlessness reluctant to take the burden that he has cast on his son, but eventually receives the two loads that are slightly bigger as his wife’s, because he wants to help his son. As Gustav wants to return the third pillow to his father there is again this feeling of inappropriateness in Daddy and the conflict barometers (éclat and jealousy) agree. “This one should be Mercedez’ for her constantly getting involved in a problem that can only be resolved between Gustav and his parents” he says. Mercedez, too, feels that that one pillow is for her and she gets up and takes position opposite of Gustav, who now stands right seen from the parents view.
Gustav now plays around with the pillow not really inclined to hand it over to Mercedez. The representative “relaxed relationship with Gustav” is placed between the two of them on the other side of the room, where the parents sit. They form a kind of triangle, and the “laid-back relationship with Gustav” says that she feels connected to both for the first time. Gustav seems to have opened up for a new start with his sister. “If you want your load, you have to come and get it!” he rhymes in a playful, still childish way. Daddy is relieved somehow but he also comments that in the load that Mercedez eventually is handed over as metaphorical method of reconciliation, something else is contained that was not yet talked about
The client is invited by the host to take over the position of Mercedez and feel the “laid back relationship with Gustav”. At this point the client argues again in a very self confident way, that she “knew it from the very beginning that Liliane won’t play a part in this analysis”, and she jokes, if she should be a smart ass now or after the projection is finished. Whether it was the client’s comment or the implication of the situation, the host places Liliane left to Gustav, left from Liliane the two children.
The fast motion now shows an almost present picture. There is a sensation that the children want her aunt Uschi, but not Mercedez, and there is an incredible ignorance revealed as the client Mercedez takes over the position of the representative for the first time. She only addresses the children, overlooks her brother, in the way that was already criticized during the interview. Both jealousy and éclat grow energetically and it is obvious that they have now taken over the function of a conflict or bad-vibe-barometer. Liliane is infuriated and Gustav wants to turn away from Mercedez, hugging his wife. The ignorance of the client also generates an outburst in Daddy who says, “That is the sort of treason that I have felt; she can’t pick out what she likes without accepting us all. There is more than jealousy between siblings in this load. There is also something about Gustav’s children in there!” Pointing out the straight line that connects the grandparents with their grandchildren, he continues “She is his wife. She is the link to those children who you love so much. If you don’t respect her, you can’t connect to them!”
The client is again replaced by the representative and it becomes obvious that the sibling’s change in position also indicates the beginning of a basically new projection. That explains the extraordinary length of more than two hours. Whereas the first act was actually a projection about the client’s desire to fix a broken relationship with her brother and therefore somehow at least partially changed the focus to Gustav, the second act was intrinsically about the client herself.
The male representative of Mercedez apologizes for the insensibility of the client and confirms with tears in his eyes that he would respect Liliane from now on. At this point it seems as if Gustav has grown up, although he weeps badly as he tells Mercedez that he needs his wife very much. “She is my life!” he sobs, and the host underlines this statement. It seems from the outside perspective that Gustav has found his strength in his relationship and only feels that his sister infests his newly found luck by ignoring his wife and tempting his children.
Interestingly, Mercedez has taken in the right position, that was the former, weak, position of her brother. Her brother now stands on the left flanked by his wife and his children. The position reflects what is about to happen. Mercedez continues to apologize and reassures the she will respect and accept Liliane. Gradually, it seems as if the strong and self confident Mercedez breaks down. The children ask again for their aunt Uschi. Daddy repeats that Mercedez does not fit into the family. And then it’s her who starts to weep, “I always had to be strong, I can’t show any weakness.” The masculine, self confident mask of Mercedez shatters into shards and the self declared “alpha animal” is disguised as a pitiful woman that tried to cover her own insecurity.
The host reintroduces two additional representatives, which she used earlier to balance gender deficits of the young Gustav and Mercedez. Then it turns out that Mercedez is strong, having both, a strong masculine principle and a strong feminine principle. “This is me!” Gustav on the contrary is in need of the support of his masculine principle, which he was not transferred sufficiently from his father.
Now, the host uses the gender principles to balance Mercedez’ lack of emotion and tries to foster her female side that was obviously never fully developed or at least suppressed by a strong masculine codifying. The female principle on the right expresses her sensation as having only a week connection to Mercedez. Mercedez herself feels warmth coming from the right, but cold from the left, where the male principle, which perceives a strong connection to the focus, is located. The host recommends to the client to let the female principle grow. The client takes again the position of the representative and is invited to sense the energy of the gender principles. The client feels uncomfortable with the female principle on her right and the male on the left, thereon the principles change their position. The client feels more accustomed to this constellation.
Every human being unifies some male and female features in its organism, which from like yin and yang a whole. In a projection they fall apart in a female and a male principle. If the client is a woman the female principle is usually placed on the right side of a person, because this is the position with a stronger connection. It does not require an explanation that the female principle is the stronger in a woman, whereas the male is the stronger in a man.
In the case of Mercedez, it was the other way round though; the male principle was on the right and the female on the left, i.e. she was in her gender psychology a man and not a woman. The change of the principles’ location made her feel uncomfortable, because she was not used to such a new sex-balance in her organism. The host nevertheless invited the client to try to establish a deeper relationship with her female identity and leave the male for some time unattended. Ω
In the case of Mercedez, it was the other way round though; the male principle was on the right and the female on the left, i.e. she was in her gender psychology a man and not a woman. The change of the principles’ location made her feel uncomfortable, because she was not used to such a new sex-balance in her organism. The host nevertheless invited the client to try to establish a deeper relationship with her female identity and leave the male for some time unattended. Ω